If you’re reading this, you already know what’s coming. This is going to be the biggest pile of fail that I somehow manage to regurgitate into words and meaningful phrases on my blog completely, unless something comes along that just really blows. I don’t like Amputated Genitals, and as much as I go around to try and find something decent it seems impossible. So I’m going to ingest these Genitals all at once and try to find something within this scrotum. Maybe somewhere along the vasdeference I’ll wade through the prepubescent hair follicles and pull out a gem…of poo.
Oh, and here’s a bit of trivia on the album cover: when Amputated Genitals did a sound test of their album on the random populace in their country, they ended up spontaneously combusting and eating each other because the album warped their sense of morals and destroyed their sperm cells. They painted this album cover conceived with the inspiration of Van Gogh, because the guitarist chopped off his penis and threw it in the picture for artistic sake, and then took the musical versions of all deadly diseases known to man and shoved it on a disc. I’m warning you and your mom right now: run back to Duran Duran if you want to keep your sense of musicality in your head. What’s coming up with this band sounds like my VitaMix blender at six in the morning.
| 1. | Chessman Red Monday | 05:23 | |
| 2. | Geriatric Blood Storm | 03:24 | |
| 3. | Vaginal Skin Grind Vomit | 03:46 | |
| 4. | Indigested With Human Heads | 02:23 | |
| 5. | Garavito Attacks Again | 03:38 | |
| 6. | Charred Neighborhood | 03:33 | |
| 7. | Elias Bullets And Brain | 04:49 | |
| 8. | Rites of Brutality | 05:15 |
Before I begin, just read this:
“Damn! Bloody brutal is what this shit is… 32 minutes of brutal-as-fuck Colombian death metal!
From the opening riff and mangle, to the ending outro, this CD is like a kick in the balls. Fast supreme grinding drums, chunky string-work and deep gored growling. This is nothing but a never-ending piece of brutality. And it’s never-ending ’cause every time the CD stops spinning you’re there pressing the play button once again! I can’t get enough of this shit. These former Purulent guys sure know how to create some sick-arse and fuckin’ awesome death metal. Fans of Brodequin, Pustulated, Dripping etc. will have no chance to resist the quality of Amputated Genitals. A lot of bands in this ultra brutal death metal genre fail, as their music gets boring and feels like one loooong and sloppy song. But not this! This is nothing but great!
I have nothing else to say, you all know what to expect from an album like this – Sick, twisted, psychotic, killer bloody death metal! And the fact that their English grammar could improve just makes it even more likeable, hehe.“
And this ._.
“When you think about it, metal has a very strange history, particularly in the geography of it’s development. Who would think that black metal would have emerged from the frozen landscapes of Norway, or that some of the sickest goregrind in the world would stem from Japan, or that some of the cleverest and most fascinating death metal bands would come from South America? Well, we have another entry into the latter category with Amputated Genitals, from the steamy jungles of Colombia. With their debut album, “Human Meat Gluttony”, they just might be taking brutal death metal into realms we never thought possible.
The album opens up with a brutal kick to the face in “Chessman Red Monday”, letting you know that the level of brutality and aggression will never back down. But if you pay attention, you’ll notice some things that seem a bit off of the basic formula. In the opening track, it takes the form of a vindictive melodic bridge, one of many moments on this album that hints at something greater resting just behind it’s basic sounds. Amputated Genitals is far smarter than it lets on, but you have to peel back the layers to find the fascinating, and at times brilliant sense of dynamics and songwriting. Theses touches of melody and even epic sensibilities are subtle, but just waiting to be expanded upon.
One of Amputated Genital’s major strengths that sets them apart from the competition is the natural flair for musicality that the members have. The band’s melodies and rhythms fuse and twist as if they’d been playing together since the beginning of time. The devious twists and turns that songs like “Garavito Attacks Again” experience are sublime in their development, almost making you wonder why such a band would want to play brutal death metal.
Ah, but that’s the trick of Amputated Genitals. Just when you think that maybe they’re simply inexperienced and stumbled upon some of the ideas purely by accident, they’ll tip their hand to show you they’re playing exactly what they want. The technicality of this album seems deliberately underplayed to give that almost improvised feel that’s so fashionable, but this is belied by the tiny slips of intricate fills and odd transitions. Every song on “Human Meat Gluttony” seems to wink and say, “This is just a taste of what we can do”. Take the sly and flawless tempo changes of “Geriatric Blood Storm” as an example, where the various shades and techniques that should be difficult for amateurs to pull off are executed flawlessly. Those crazy Colombians.
And just when you think you’ve heard it all, they decide to end the final track, “Rites Of Brutality” with a spoken/growled word piece over a choir backing, just to prove that they’re manipulating you as easily as any so-called “technical” or “progressive” band. An excellent choice for any metalhead that wants to see what true talent is. “
*chokes on own spit*
You’re shitting me right? What the hell are you listening to? It’s not the same thing I’m hearing at ALL. But of course there’s a couple of things I want to pull out and bash right here and now:
“Amputated Genitals is far smarter than it lets on, but you have to peel back the layers to find the fascinating, and at times brilliant sense of dynamics and songwriting. Theses touches of melody and even epic sensibilities are subtle, but just waiting to be expanded upon.“
I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I buy an album I want it to be good. I don’t want to listen to music saying “Oh wow, this could be better but they purposefully composed it like shit to show their talent!” That statement is contradictory and if I had the choice to listen to good music composed crappily or good music composed well, I ‘d choose the latter.
“Just when you think that maybe they’re simply inexperienced and stumbled upon some of the ideas purely by accident, they’ll tip their hand to show you they’re playing exactly what they want. The technicality of this album seems deliberately underplayed to give that almost improvised feel that’s so fashionable, but this is belied by the tiny slips of intricate fills and odd transitions.“
The sad thing is that the person sounds like he knows what he’s talking about, but once you actually LISTEN to the song you’re wondering what he’s hearing. And what the hell? If you know how to play, PLAY. No one plays awful for musical genius. It’s not fashionable. Go listen to some Versailles or Bond. THAT’s composition.
“Take the sly and flawless tempo changes of “Geriatric Blood Storm” as an example, where the various shades and techniques that should be difficult for amateurs to pull off are executed flawlessly.“
That song sounds like my razor on the highest setting. We’ll see….
Well, the fail starts with Chessman Red Monday. Keep in mind I’m trying to listen for this “skill” other people seem to see.
I listened. The guitar has a cool melody but I only hear it for four seconds at a time under all that CACOPHONY. In five and a half minutes of what sounds like the lead singer choking on Listerine, the band sounds like Dir en grey’s THE MARROW OF A BONE shoved into a blender and then excreted through a metal tube. I couldn’t get past two minutes, and I doubt the song changes in the last three. I found myself frantically searching for the STOP THIS SHIT button the minute this thing hit two minutes. This song, in blatant terms, is horrible. Rancid, putrid NOISE shoved onto a piece of plastic and sold to you for your money. People call this “grind metal”. I call this acidifying bullshit. Or, if you wanna be liberal and call this prog rock, I’ll tell you they progressed right back into the Stone Age.
Music consists of dynamic range, and since someone AMPUTATED your genitals they must have also extracted your eardrums. Or maybe those exploded when you listened to this fail that you call music. There is no sort of musical expression on this song. The drums are static as fuck and sound like someone recorded them on a machine. Fast drums are cool when there’s a melody behind it, but you just can’t hear one. There isn’t even a melody there. I didn’t pick one up. Did they just wham on their guitars to hit every string possible? If they were going for a divide by zero error, they just hit zero. Zero skill. One point.
If there was one thing Geriatic Blood Storm had over Chessman Red Monday, it would be the guitars. They would be mildly entertaining if they were turned up a notch and DROWNED OUT THAT GODFORSAKEN AWFUL DRUMMING! Parts of the drumming aren’t even on beat and it’s so intrusive it makes it hard to listen to the song. I STILL think the singer sucks balls and nothing changes my opinion on a person that can only do death metal growls and not any proper singing at all, and other than this song being shorter in nature than Chessman Red Monday, I still dislike the entire package. I don’t hear any bass, the drums need to be toned DOWN and put in some strait jackets, and the vocalist needs to sing a bit more. His growling is impressive, but switch it up so your song isn’t so damn monotonous.
I do hear the time signatures in this song but that doesn’t impress me any. The song sounds like a condensed version of the previous song. If the guitars were a bit more polished and loud and the bass was semi-audible and the drumming was toned down, I would consider giving this song a 2. But as it is, this song scrapes only a 1.5.
And I hope someone other than me realizes that the lyrics and the title have NOTHING to do with one another.
FINALLY THEY SET THE GUITARS UP. Vaginal Skin Grind Vomit….well the guitars are audible for once. The singer still sounds like he got fucked in the ass with broken glass but I hear the time signatures and the melody! So far this is the best track on the album, and if the singer stopped squealing randomly and inserted some singing here and there you would actually have a decent song. It’s still nothing special. The drums, obnoxious as always, are set lower so you can enjoy your hearing because by this point, you’re crying in pain. Oh, and I can hear the bass! That’s also a first. I think this might be the first song by them I don’t really hate -that much- but I’ll work with them here because I see some effort. This song gets a five.
Yes, spit up the sperm. It’s a five.
Indigested with Human Heads…did I mention how annoying those drums were? Once again, the guitars are set higher than the drums but it’s just not as good as the last one. It also plays with your ears before the guitars does some doom metal-y stuff so that earns it a point. The rest of the sound just sounds like someone’s getting raped with a jackhammer. Honestly, the drummer sounds like he’s he drunk when he’s playing. The song ends way too abruptly for me to….it gets a 2.
Garavito Attacks Again…back to bad drum syndrome. After the death chanting at the beginning it sounded cool for approximately 3.5 seconds before the drums and the background trash comes in. The weird thing is that the guitars seem to fade in and out accidentally. Moreso than in any other track, he variates with his growling so that earns this track a point. Let’s go back to a point made earlier in one of the earlier positive reviews.
“The devious twists and turns that songs like “Garavito Attacks Again” experience are sublime in their development, almost making you wonder why such a band would want to play brutal death metal.”
I have an answer for you: they know how to make cool short riffs but songwriting completely eludes them. With death metal the vocalist can just massacre the track and no one will listen to the mess going on in the background. Somewhere up there someone said that they “tip their hand to show us that they know what they’re doing”. I rather think they’re getting it confused with “they don’t know how to master tracks”. The guitars have cool riffs here and there but for the most part it sounds like a dinosaur with a bad case of hard poo rubbing against some foliage. I sense all the time signatures and the funky changes going on because I’ve played instruments almost all my life but
-the guitars are too muddled
-the drums need to GO. It hasn’t been decent yet
-the vocalist needs to learn how to sing
-more bass needs to be upped in some of these tracks
-the verses (when you can find them) need to have guitars that play a more stable melody
-if they’re going to do breakdowns, omit everything but one of the ensemble and go at it
They probably know what they’re doing but they’re not doing it correctly, which just means to me that they don’t know what they’re doing. Tip my hand bullshit is bullshit. Play it properly or go away. Garavito gets a two.
Elias Bullets and Brain has a promising opening and then just shits all over itself. Guitar > drums in this one and I can hear the time signatures change in this one, so it gets a four. Guitar riff is just killer in some parts but sadly that’s all there is, and guitar alone isn’t enough to win me over. There was a segment of drum expertly put in but that sounds more like a mistake than actual drumming.
“Just when you think that maybe they’re simply inexperienced and stumbled upon some of the ideas purely by accident, they’ll tip their hand to show you they’re playing exactly what they want.”
So what do you call the rest of that drumming? One second of expertise isn’t making up for the rest of that track. And it wasn’t even that good. Just decent.
Notice how you get excited over four and five. Not good.
I left out two tracks on purpose because I can’t find them. I’ll be fair and not bash a band based on tracks I haven’t heard. So that statement from before goes uncontested unless someone cares to send me those last two tracks so I can judge them and rate them. But overall, this album boils down to a:
1.3/5 (not counting the two I didn’t mention)
Just don’t buy this album. Please…think of the kittens.
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